原谅

2016-03-20 尤今 读悦文摘

《读者文摘》微信版 第一文摘杂志!

作者:尤 今

编辑:读悦文摘(duzhe3650)

在上海的一家餐馆里,负责为我们上莱的那位女侍,年轻得像是树上的一片嫩叶。

她捧上蒸鱼时,盘子倾斜。腥膻的鱼汁鲁鲁莽莽地直淋而下,泼洒在我搁于椅子的皮包上。我本能地跳了起来,阴霾的脸,变成欲雨的天。

可是,我还没有发作,我亲爱的女儿便以旋风般的速度站了起来,快步走到女侍身旁,露出了极为温柔的笑脸,拍了拍她的肩膀,说:“不碍事,没关系。”

女侍如受惊的小犬,手足无措地看着我的皮包,嗫嚅地说:“我,我去拿布来抹……”

万万想不到,女儿居然说道:“没事,回家洗洗就干净了。你去做事吧,真的,没关系的,不必放在心上。”

女儿的口气是那么的柔和,倒好似做错事的人是她。

我瞪着女儿,觉得自己像一只气球,气装得过满,要爆炸却又爆不了,不免辛苦。

女儿平静地看着我,在餐馆明亮的灯火下,我清清楚楚地看到,她大大的眸子里,竟然镀着一层薄薄的泪光。

当天晚上,返回旅馆之后,母女俩齐齐躺在床上,她这才亮出了葫芦里所卖的药:

女儿伦敦求学三年,为了训练她的独立性,我和先生在大学的假期里不让她回家,我们要她自行策划背包旅行,也希望她在英国试试兼职打工的滋味儿。

活泼外向的女儿,在家里十指不沾阳春水,粗工细活都轮不到她,然而来到人生地不熟的英国,却选择当女侍来体验生活。

第一天上工,便闯祸了。

她被分配到厨房去清洗酒杯,那些透亮细致的高脚玻璃杯,一只只薄如蝉翼,只要力道稍稍重一点,便会分崩离析,化成一堆晶亮的碎片。

女儿战战兢兢,如履薄冰,好不容易将那一大堆好似一辈子也洗不完的酒杯洗干净了,正松了一口气时,没有想到身子一歪,一个踉跄,撞倒了杯子,杯子应声倒地,“哐啷、哐啷”连续不断的一串串清脆响声过后,酒杯全化成了地上闪闪烁烁的玻璃碎片。

“妈妈,那一刻,我真有堕入地狱的感觉。”女儿的声音还残存着些许惊悸。
“可是,您知道领班有什么反应吗?她不慌不忙地走了过来,搂住了我。说:亲爱的,你没事吧?

接着,又转过头去吩咐其他员工:赶快把碎片打扫干净吧!

对我,她连一字半句责备的话都没有!”

又有一次,女儿在倒酒时,不小心把鲜红如血的葡萄酒倒在顾客乳白色的衣裙上,好似刻意为她在衣裙上栽种了一季残缺的九重葛。

原以为顾客会大发雷霆,没想到她反而倒过来安慰女儿,说:“没关系,酒渍嘛,不难洗。”

说着,站起来,轻轻拍拍女儿的肩膀,便静悄悄地走进了洗手间,不张扬,更不叫嚣,把眼前这只惊弓之鸟安抚成梁上的小燕子。

女儿的声音,充满了感情:“妈妈,既然别人能原谅我的过失,您就把其他犯错的人当成是您的女儿,原谅她们吧!”

此刻,在这静谧的夜里,我眼眶全湿。

【编者的话】

原谅别人便是放过自己。

这个故事,读了一遍眼角有泪,再读一遍,依然有泪珠滑落 …

我想此刻,你的内心也无法平静吧 …

检视一下自己平日的言行,原来还有这么大的提升空间 …
原来,善意可以如此美妙 …

原来,善意可以如此接力般地传递 …

亲爱的朋友,既然我们有幸欣赏到这篇文章,既然我们感动着对方的感动,让我们从当下改变自己的言行,把这份善意长长久久地传递下去,如此,我们每一天都是幸福和幸运的!

  原谅别人错,自己好心情 … 生活,原来如此美好!


【第707期】 读者文摘- 每日精选–良师益友

 

海峡时报—尤今专访

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14-03-2016

The Straits Times

The Life Interview with Chinese novelist Tham Yew Chin: Eye for detail

Chinese novelist Tham Yew Chin.PHOTO: ALICIA CHAN FOR THE STRAITS TIMES

Chinese novelist Tham Yew Chin gets under the skin of her characters, weaving in personal observations and experiences

 

Lee Jian Xuan

When award-winning Chinese novelist Tham Yew Chin was a Secondary 3 student, she submitted a story about a fisherman’s life which was published in Hai Xing Bao, a now-defunct Chinese newspaper here.

Feeling rather proud, she showed it to her father, who, after congratulating her, told her that he thought the story was a failure.

“He said to me, ‘You are only 16. You’ve never lived as a fisherman and you don’t know any fishermen. You should at least live with them, observe their lives and try to understand their thoughts. Only when you portray reality can your writing come alive,'” recalls Tham, 65, who is better known by her pen name, You Jin.

It was a pivotal life lesson that shaped her attitude towards writing, a craft she has honed in a career of more than five decades – to ground one’s prose in reality by weaving in personal observations and experiences.

This insistence on walking a mile in someone’s shoes extends throughout her entire oeuvre – an assortment of 85 books – which include short story collections, novels, travelogues, essays, biographies as well as articles and columns for publications in Singapore.

 

“Once, I was writing about MacRitchie Reservoir and I forgot how the flowers and plants there smelled like, so I took a break and drove there to take a walk. I must have enough research and material. I don’t rely solely on imagination,” she tells The Straits Times in a three-hour interview at her two-storey semi-detached house off Holland Road.

I don’t travel solely for writing. You come to Earth only once. It’s a one-way ticket, so you should try to see the many homes… that in a way, belong to you.

CHINESE WRITER THAM YEW CHIN

Tham’s writing, which has endeared her to readers here and abroad, is much like the homemade orange chiffon cake she insists on serving this reporter upon arrival – gentle, warm, yet richly textured.

In this interview, she peppers her answers with food analogies and metaphors often found in her stories. Meals, the culinary enthusiast suggests, can be used to describe her written works: “Short stories are like desserts, they’re short and sweet and you can write about anything. A novel is like a dinner with many courses – you need multiple characters and incidents to string it together.”

Many of her stories are based on seemingly quotidian events, such as a colleague’s betrothal or a new family moving into the neighbourhood. But with a journalist’s eye for detail and a writer’s lyricism, she skilfully fleshes these out, weaving in introspection and insight.

In the novel, Joys And Sorrows In The Desert (1987), she mines a stint spent trailing her husband when he was posted to the Middle East in the 1970s for work, writing about life in the hermetic Saudi Arabian kingdom.

In one chapter, she likens an unhappy expatriate couple to an “unlikely” pair of animals: “The water buffalo laboured away without complaint, in order for the peacock to be comfortable… The pity of it was, the peacock was incapable of gratitude, viewing this instead as the natural state of affairs.”

The book was translated into English by author Jeremy Tiang and published by Epigram Books in 2010. Along with two other recently published books, Teaching Cats To Jump Hoops (2012) and In Time, Out Of Place (2015), it marks Tham’s first exposure to English- language readers here.

In an e-mail interview, Tiang says: “I enjoyed how chatty You Jin’s prose is. She gets under the skin of her characters, making you feel like you’re there with them.”

The same could be said of Tham in real life – the former Chinese teacher, bespectacled with a neat crop of hair and a benevolent smile, is soft-spoken yet expressive in her speech, often elucidating her points at great length, in crisp, clearly enunciated Mandarin.

She has chalked up accolades – from the Mont Blanc-NUS Centre for The Arts Literary Award (1996) to the Cultural Medallion, Singapore’s highest arts accolade, in 2009.

The medallion is an achievement she especially treasures – the front-page articles reporting the event from The Straits Times and Chinese daily Lianhe Zaobao hang on the wall of her living room.

“It was important to be recognised by my own people. I was not surprised to win, but I was happy,” she says.

Born in 1950 in the town of Ipoh in Perak state, Malaysia, Tham is the second among four children. Her mother, Tan Toh Yen, was the daughter of a rubber industry merchant, while her father, Tham Sien Yen, was a Chinese resistance fighter who had fought alongside war hero Lim Bo Seng against the Japanese.

As a tribute to her parents who died here in 2003, she wrote and published a biography titled Father And I last year, which chronicles their lives and includes diary entries from her father on his anti-war efforts.

The book details how Mr Tham tried to start various businesses such as a newspaper and a mining venture. None of those endeavours took off, so the family moved to Singapore in search of greener pastures in 1958.

Tham credits her father for stoking her lifelong interest in the Chinese language and literature.

“He felt education was important and insisted that we attend school, no matter how poor we were. My brothers and elder sister transferred to English schools when they came to Singapore, but my dad saw how much I loved Chinese, so he let me stay on at a Mandarin-speaking school,” she recalls.

Tham graduated from Nanyang University in 1973 as the top student in her cohort, with first-class honours in Chinese language and literature.

Three years into her first job as a librarian at the National Library, she quit to join Chinese newspaper Nanyang Siang Pau as a features reporter and, later, as an editor.

“I loved reading and bringing books home to read, but there was no social interaction. I’d always wanted to be a journalist. It is my first love – you get to meet different people and every day is a challenge,” she says.

Tham ran into trouble when her expose of overcharging practices by trishaw riders in 1976 incurred the wrath of the riders, who turned up at the newsroom demanding to see her.

“They claimed that I’d fabricated the story, but my editor and colleagues stood by me. You know (singer-songwriter) Liang Wern Fook? His father, Liang Zhen Ying, was my colleague and he sent me home that night,” she recounts.

Around that time, Tham married engineering consultant James Lim, 70, with whom she has three children – Danny, 38, Ivan, 33, who both work in the banking industry, and Jacinta, 31, a lawyer. The couple have two granddaughters.

Lim, who was born in Malaysia and studied in Australia and New Zealand, can speak Chinese, but cannot read it. He converses with his wife in English.

He admits that he cannot read most of her works, but says: “Most of what she writes is inspired by the trips we’ve taken and some of the photographs are taken by me. We travel a lot – it exposes her to different cultures and countries so she has more to write about.”

Juggling her duties as a mother and wife with a journalist’s long and irregular hours proved to be difficult, but she persisted with her writing. At times, she would stay up to write, sleeping for only about four to five hours a day.

She published her first book in 1979 and quit the newspaper in 1981.She became a teacher in 1982, teaching first at Hua Yi Secondary School, then Pioneer Junior College. She taught for almost 30 years.

Her experiences in dealing with students, parents and fellow teachers inspired her writing as well.

The Chinese teacher took the Chinese literary world by storm in 1991, when a publisher in Zhejiang, China, released five of her travelogues in the country.

The travelogues – The White House In The Desert, The Lost Monsoon, That Faraway Friendship, A Trip Of Romance and The Sun Does Not Go Home – detail her trips through countries in South America, the Middle East and Europe.

From Guangzhou to Shanghai, her books swiftly sold out and she was invited for meet-the-author sessions, where the snaking queues of fans stunned her.

Asked to explain the appeal behind her travelogues, she says: “I don’t write about scenery, but I evoke the country through the people I encounter. I tell their stories and I link the country’s politics, economy and culture to their lives.”

As her popularity soared, controversy soon followed – a Chinese publisher falsely branded an erotica series with her name in 1993 to drive sales. “I later clarified the matter in a statement in the Chinese papers,” she says.

In 2000, the You Jin Research Centre was set up in the city of Chongqing for university students to analyse her works and writings by other South-east Asian authors. Seven years later, she was the first author to be invited for a writing residency in the city of Chengdu.

“One can feel alone while writing, so it was nice to get that kind of recognition,” says Tham, who has had 92 books published in China, Hong Kong, Taiwan and Malaysia.

Tham’s close friend of 15 years, linguist and educator Chua Chee Lay, who was the late founding father of Singapore Lee Kuan Yew’s Chinese tutor, says he knew of her through her writings before meeting her.

He adds: “You Jin is probably the most influential and best-selling Singaporean writer in China. She has introduced Singapore to the Mandarin-speaking world through her works.”

Since she stopped teaching in 2009, she has travelled with her husband to more than 100 countries across five continents – from the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador to the seaside towns of Bulgaria to the Khyber Pass in Pakistan.

“I don’t travel solely for writing. You come to Earth only once. It’s a one-way ticket, so you should try to see the many homes – the countries in this world – that in a way, belong to you,” she says.

As a freelance writer and teacher, she contributes columns regularly to Chinese daily Lianhe Zaobao as well as to periodicals in China and Hong Kong.

She says: “People’s words are like a whetstone – I use them to sharpen my writing. Reading is like the oxygen that nourishes me and words are in my blood. When I write, I can feel them flowing out of me and onto the page.”

 

2016-03-06

广州日报

尤今

 

在现代社会里,双双外出工作而把孩子交托给保姆或是托儿所照顾的父母亲,在一种不该有的“亏欠”心态下,老想在物质生活上给予孩子额外的补偿。

有求必应,不求也应。

孩子有着取用不竭的零用钱,予取予求,渐渐地养成了一种极端错误的印象:以为钱是从“聚宝盆”里随意拿出来的;年纪小小,便挥霍无度,衣服、鞋子,选的都是名牌货;几百元一套的玩具或游戏机,想都不想,便掏钱买下。

令我觉得诧异万分的是:这些收入丰厚而让孩子在金钱上“为所欲为”的父母,很多都是受过高深教育的。

他们只看到孩子在物质享受里露出的灿烂笑脸,可是,他们看不到性格的“毒瘤”已在他们的骨髓里暗暗地、危险地滋生了。孩子就在这种毫不自知的情况下,成长为一群“好逸恶劳”、“炫耀财富”的人。疾苦对于他们来说,纯然是陌生的名词,因此,跳跃在他们胸腔里的那颗心,绝对没有“同情”和“恻隐”的成分。一切得来轻而易举,他们一厢情愿地认定人生就是一颗糖,甜甜甜,一路甜到底,太甜了,有时他们甚至嫌腻呢!

在这种家庭里长大的孩子,没有想到,父母所给予他们的那颗糖是有时间限制的,大限一到,糖便要被收回了,此后漫漫长长的人生道路,他们便得靠自己的双手去挣那颗人生的糖了。

这时,他们才难以置信地发现:这糖竟不是“近在眼前,随时可摘”的,它“远在天边,可望而不可即”。长期生活在优渥的环境里,他们手无缚鸡之力,屡战屡败而又没有屡败屡战的斗志。

一战便败、一败便倒。倒在地上时,不免哀哀地想:为什么当年我父母只一味给我吃糖而没有给我一支应付生活的长矛呢?为什么!

戒毒者的故事

 《意林》杂志

2016年03月04日

尤今

在戒毒所和多位青少年攀谈,发现染上毒瘾并不需要什么复杂的大理由。误交损友而好奇尝试、失意沮丧而逃避现实,是两大主因。

贼船易上难下,沉沦毒海易如反掌,然而,摆脱毒品却难若登天,一方面是因为毒品的诱惑性太大,另一方面,凡是戒毒者,都必须经过好似地狱般的痛苦熬炼,意志不够坚定者,往往半途而废。

表面上看来,戒除毒瘾,仅仅只需要14天的时间,然而,这只不过是形体暂时离开毒品罢了,精神上的依赖,依然是存在的。戒毒之后,如果五年之内没有重染毒瘾,才算是真正摆脱了毒品。

在这关键性的五年内,亲人的支持,是非常重要的;更明确地说,亲情,是戒毒者解除毒瘾的一帖灵药。

听了许多动人的故事,都是与亲情有关的。

说说其中一则最触动我心的。

“我父母在一场意外中双双丧生,祖母一手将我抚养成人。读初二那年,在学校门口碰见一位失学的朋友,他问我要不要逃学,跟他去玩玩,我迷迷糊糊地答应了。他带我去一个偏僻的地方,教我追龙。从那天开始,我就变成了一只魔鬼。我旷课逃学、惹是生非;骗钱偷钱、扒钱抢钱,最后,被学校开除了,浪荡街头。祖母知道这一切后,流着眼泪劝我、哑着嗓子说我,然而,鬼迷心窍的我,当她在唱歌。有一回,深夜回家,竟然看到她跪在我父母的遗照前,苦苦哀求我父母显灵助我戒除毒瘾。她已经是70多岁的老人了,居然为了我而跪在地上,向自己死去的儿子媳妇求救!在那一刻,我觉得自己真是禽善不如!以后,连续两年多,我试着戒毒,可是,谈何容易!有好几次,毒瘾发作时,我在深更半夜跳入海里,企图借着冰冷的海水来冻死我体内那只魔鬼,但是,人几乎被淹死了,却杀不死那该死的毒瘾!祖母对我,始终没有放弃希望,每次我进去戒毒所,她总不死心地来探望我,给我打气,可是,毒品,实在比妖魔鬼怪更可怕,硬是死缠不放。戒毒中心,进了又出、出了又进,在毒海里浮浮沉沉,无论如何也戒除不了。记得那一回,我正躲在一位损友的家里偷吸毒品时,有人来报丧,说祖母死了。那一刻,我如遭雷殛,觉得祖母好像是刻意以死来劝诫我的。当时,实在痛苦得承受不了,把头往墙壁撞去,结果,头破血流,进医院缝了很多针。祖母的死,使我彻底醒悟了,我也从此戒了毒。”

这位戒了毒的人,如今任职于某间戒毒所,向所有前来戒毒的人现身说法,一次又一次地重复自己的故事。

“我戒毒戒得太迟了。”他为自己的故事下结论:“祖母永远看不到。”

 

 味道是最永恒的记忆 ——读《听面包唱歌》

YY (1)     YY (2)

                    丁世君(中国云南)

  看到书的名字《听面包唱歌》,我以为这是一本讲面点烘焙的书,开卷一览,才发现这是我喜欢的新加坡作家尤今的又一本美食散文集。细读细品此书,不禁觉得满口生津,很多有味道的回忆一点一点从心底浮出来。

以前看过尤今的一本游记《方格子里的世界》,写她的旅行、旅行中遇到的人、品尝到的美食,她亲切的文字让我一下子就喜欢上了她。

我觉得,美食散文如果仅仅介绍美食,那就和一本菜谱没有什么区别了,尤今的美食散文却是不同。她的美食散文,不仅仅可以让你想象一道道美食的味道和趣味,更是让你能一同感受人生。正如她在书的所说“每一道菜肴、每一种食物,都包裹着一颗心。那颗心里面,蕴藏着丰富如海的学问,即使穷尽一生的岁月,也学之不尽。”

在《猪圆玉润》一文中,怡保的婆母,在一家人团聚的时候,总是像“魔术师”一样,端出让每个人都大快朵颐的团圆饭,婆母在厨房兜兜转转,便能端出千变万化的可口菜肴。对婆母在美食制作方面的能力,作者给出了最好的总结:她这种“无边的法力”,完全源自对亲人“无穷无尽的爱”。而婆母去世,老宅凋敝直至转手,一家人四散,对团圆饭热烈憧憬已经变成了对逝者绵长的缅怀。直至一向“远庖厨”的小姑,毅然决定让大家在她家过年,努力学做“猪圆玉润”这样的年菜,一家人在她渐渐娴熟的厨艺中,又找到了过年的感觉。这个时候,美食已经不仅仅是一道菜肴,而是一份关于家庭和团聚的回忆,美食不可复制,但是那种温暖的味道却是可以重来的。

我们经常说,最难忘的味道,就是“妈妈的味道”。很多时候,哪怕是最简单的菜肴,只要是母亲用生活的巧思和爱来亲手烹制,那么多年后,这菜肴就会成为异乡游子在遥望家乡时候思念的味道。《豆腐娇娃多妩媚》一文中,远赴伦敦供暖工作的次子方德,回家度假的时候,最想吃的不过是一道简朴的寻常小菜“黄金白银”,而这道小菜里面“却蕴藏了我整个童年缤纷的记忆”。这是童年家庭经济拮据时候,父母用豆腐和猪油渣精心烹饪的“慧心小菜”,简单的食材搭配出营养丰富、养眼又适口的童年小菜。而作者,又把这个小菜做给自己的孩子吃,让孩子也记住了一种简单而醇厚的家的味道。生活简单,有时候简单得就像一块白豆腐,但是加入爱心和智慧去烹调,就能为平淡单调的生活增添奇趣。正是父母的巧心思,让作者和孩子回首童年,想到的都是快乐,哪怕那快乐和幸福仅仅是一道简单的小菜。或者正是这样,作者才说“人生苦短,而快乐,往往是悄悄地藏在生活各个大大小小的角落里的,长年长日带着面具过活的人,是一生一世也找不着它们的!”我们有时候憧憬人生来一场轰轰烈烈的爱情,有一个华丽宽大的豪宅,有位高权重的父母可以骄傲,但是,那样的圆满人生,有几人可得?更多时候,我们不过是这忙碌人世间的一只蚂蚁,力量弱小,饮食自足,和千万人一样平淡的生活着。我们的世界不是没有幸福,不是没有美食,很多时候就是我们想得太复杂而已。爱是人生的至味,有时候就藏在简单的一饮一啄间,等着你去细品,去认识。

食物,有时候是满足和安慰最好的方式。看过很多这样的镜头:孩子生日,做母亲的总是从鸡窝里掏出带着温暖的鸡蛋,放在孩子手心。贫寒人家,一颗小小的白水煮蛋,就包含了母亲对孩子成长的所有祝福和希望;士兵卧病在床,班长端来一碗热气腾腾的面条,漂着碧绿的葱花,还有一个金黄金黄的荷包蛋,七尺男儿啊,在热气氤氲中一滴大大的泪就悄悄滚落碗里;枯瘦的老人,手里捧着亲人送来的小小特产,眺望着家乡的方向,嘴里喃喃地呼唤着“姆妈”,那皱纹里的目光,飘得很远很远…….作者和她的朋友,也把食物当作维生素,补充在职场上冲刺时所耗去的元气。“偶尔,生活和感情让我们受伤了,食物当然也能抚平我们的伤痕。”作者已故的朋友卢美玉是个地产界女强人,也是个烹饪高手,更是一个非常乐于分享的人,她总是愿意分享自己烹调的秘诀,也愿意为朋友“洗手作羹汤”,用简单的方式真诚地诠释友情。在她病故后,作者用复制她味道的方式,来缅怀那个似乎不曾离开过的朋友。一个人的味道,有时候,就是关于这个人的全部回忆。我们失落的时候,心灰意冷,目光黯淡,周围的空气都变得冰冷,世界似乎一片灰暗。这个时候,朋友端来一碗热汤,就能够温暖我们那被挫折冻住了的心,他们的安慰和搀扶更是能让我们找到重头再来的勇气和力量。所以,这个世界还有一种美食,和昂贵的食材无关,它的名字就叫朋友,永远给你最温暖的问候和最坚定的支持。

书中介绍的每一道美食,都和一个人、一个故事有关,而不是简单的食物陈列,读来常常会有和作者同样的感动,想起生命里那些难忘的味道。

尤今的这本书,还有一个很特别的地方,就是每个故事的后面,都附了简单易学的食谱,那些心有所动的人,可以复制美食,更可以用心烹调出属于自己的味道记忆来。   爱与美食不可辜负。读这一本书,把爱和感动注入每天的简单生活,让温暖和关怀不断传递,让我们在平凡的生活中品味圆融的幸福,这就是作者的写作的初衷了。

英文译著讨论会

 

 

Death by Purfume (24)Death by Purfume (1) Death by Purfume (3) Death by Purfume (4) Death by Purfume (6)  Death by Purfume (12) Death by Purfume (13) Death by Purfume (17) Death by Purfume (18) Death by Purfume (19)

接受 Intercultural Reading Group 的邀请,在26-02-2016(星期六)这个美丽的周末下午,在 Mr William Phuan 和 Ms Connie Singam 的导读下,我在格调高雅的草根书室,和来自英文读书界的读者一同探讨我的英文译著“Death by Perfume”(原著书名是《沙漠的悲欢岁月》)这样一种与读者面对面就书中所涉及的异域文化、东西方世界的价值观、创作风格等等进行思想碰击的讨论,于我而言,是一种异常美丽的经验。

外婆和姥姥

 

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最近,连续读了两部描述祖孙情的写实作品。

著名儿童文学作家殷健灵和知名演员倪萍,分别以真挚细腻的生动文笔,追述了外祖母生前的点点滴滴,使老人纯朴善良、坚毅慈爱的形象跃然纸上。

祖孙之间温馨的互动当然触动人心,然而,书中最让我感动的,却是这两位睿智女子诠释孝道的方式——她们各自以独特的方法来帮助外祖母抗衡岁月,延缓衰老。

老人最怕的,便是无人作伴的孤独。殷健灵在《爱——外婆和我》一书里如此写道:

“每次全家出行总要带上年近一百岁的老外婆,无论是去郊游还是去戏院。但这半年,越来越感觉到外婆的衰老,搀扶她外出,一次比一次感觉累。但是,只要她还能走得动,还要带她出去。后天,我们要去看泸剧。我在用这样的方式给外婆和自己打气。”

书中多次提及她与耄耋老人携手外游的种种快乐。外婆84岁时,殷健灵带她逛游西湖,她说:“外婆显出老小儿似的兴奋,还神采奕奕地随团爬上了灵山……”她又说:“旅行团所有的人都用一种含着深意的眼光打量我们,说还没见过年轻人特意带老人出来玩呢!”

啊,“特意带老人出来玩”,就是孝道里非常重要的一环啊!

殷健灵目睹她亲爱的外婆从精神矍铄的老年初期,慢慢变得茫然、迟滞、退缩,后来,当她无法再带举步维艰的外婆远行时,便想方设法为她寻找“老人益智玩具”。简单的拼图,带给了智力退化的老人不少的乐趣。这个时期的外婆,已经“慢慢退回一个小孩子,常常忘了年龄,又常常被自己很老很老的岁数吓一跳;殷健灵履行孝道的方式,便是时时陪着她玩,她亦庄亦谐地写道:

“2010年,我40岁,外婆96岁。她时而糊涂,坐在沙发上呼唤姆妈。我凑上去,指着自己的鼻子开玩笑道:喊我姆妈,我就是你的姆妈。外婆嗔笑着骂我‘十三点’。”

这段至情至性的文字,让我读着时闪出泪光。理解、宽容、幽默、温柔和陪伴,正是老人最需要的呵!在我们小的时候,老人无条件地给予我们的,不也正是这些吗?

倪萍的《姥姥语录》,令人喷饭。活力充沛的姥姥,妙语如珠。倪萍从来没想过,以“乐就是福”为人生哲学而常常说“糖稀越沾越厚,苦菜越洗苦水越少”的快乐姥姥,竟然也会有老的那一天,可是,当“姥姥盘腿儿坐在床上说着说着话就睡着了”,倪萍知道,年届97的姥姥真的老了。倪萍担心姥姥这么连续地睡,很快便永远睡过去了,于是,给她“找”了几份工作,并自掏腰包给她“发薪水”。家里长期定三份报纸,她佯称报社要回收旧报纸,请姥姥按照报纸的大小去分类叠齐,每天付她15元工资。姥姥起初意兴勃勃地干,但是,报纸叠着叠着竟然还是挡不住昏睡,于是,倪萍赶紧为她布置新工作。她诳称有公司要出口瓜子仁到欧洲,要她用手剥葵花籽,果仁要完整,不能碎,剥一瓶 15元。姥姥全神贯注地剥,不打瞌睡了,饭量也大了,人当然也精神了。以前,倪萍给她零用钱,她总不舍得花,现在,自己“挣了钱”,便欢天喜地的花得心安理得。倪萍以一个一个美丽的白谎,帮助姥姥把日子过得滋滋润润的。书中类似这种有趣而感人的例子,不胜枚举。

啊,像哄小孩一般地把老人哄得高高兴兴,就是“知易行难”的孝道了呀!

殷健灵和倪萍,教会了读者如何以具体的行动给辛苦了一辈子的姥姥带来一个真正快乐的晚年。

 

真君子

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这道鳗鱼饭,卖相绝对比不上我所光顾过的任何一家日本餐馆,可是,它的滋味儿,却远远超出我所品尝过的任何一道鳗鱼饭。它是我亲爱的儿子亲手为我烹煮的。负笈并工作于海外十余年,练就了一手好厨艺,常常在工余之暇大显身手,煮出让我味蕾惊叹的美味佳肴。母亲们啊,千万不要相信什么“君子远庖厨”这类古训,能为家人入厨的男子汉才是真君子耶!

 

爱的三大阶段

 【中国广州日报】

 刊用于2016年1月31日>>B4版

 爱的三大阶段

 尤今

和一群退休的朋友饭聚。

席间,聊及婚姻,骤然发现,处于“黄昏阶段”的婚姻,普遍面对着一个潜在的“小危机”。大家七嘴八舌地表示,从职场退下来后,和谐的婚姻竟“硝烟四起”。过去,夫妻俩为工作忙碌,很珍惜闲暇时的相处,见缝插针,分秒必争,大家都好似有谈不完的话。现在呢,手中有大把可供挥霍的时间,朝夕相对,原本以为如鱼得水,琴瑟和鸣,没有想到反而时起勃谿。

甲气呼呼地说:“大事小事他都要查问,我简直烦得要发疯!以前我出门,只说去会朋友便得了,现在呢,他不惮其烦,打破砂锅问到底:跟谁见面?在哪里见面?为什么上周才见了这一周又要再见?饭后是谁结账的?我一一答了,却又引出他另一串其他问题,我给他惹得什么兴致也没了,有时,忍不住吼他,他又说我更年期,坏脾气,就这样一来一往地拌嘴,相吵无好言,大家都败了情绪!”

乙频频点头附和:“是呀是呀,我家那个也是一样。太空闲了,连我挤牙膏的方式也要横加干涉,我习惯从牙膏管子上面挤,他偏要我从底下挤,我说我一辈子都是这样挤的,你干吗现在才来说三道四!他就说你已经错了一辈子,我现在就是要纠正你的错误!我说你就让我把这错误带进棺材里吧!他就骂我说,你这人怎么这样不可理喻!大家闹得很不开心。第二天早上刷牙时,却又旧戏重演,你说烦不烦呀!”

丙遇知音,格外亢奋,她尖着嗓子说道:“嘿嘿,我老公才叫人生气啊!有人问他退休生活如何,他说前两年很好,最近这两年就不太好了。别人问起原因,他居然说:因为最近两年我老婆也退休了!哎,他不喜欢我管他,可是,你们知道他有多懒散吗?吃了睡,睡醒了看电视,看累了又找东西吃,恶性循环,不说他,能行吗?”

丁闻言,迫不及待地插嘴说道:“我家老爷也是退休后变了样子,以前上班,总是长袖衬衫打着领带整整齐齐地出门去,现在呢,随随便便穿着一条短裤满屋晃,我说让人瞅见多不好,他居然应道:难道你要我光着上身打领带吗?”大家忍不住笑了起来,她继续说道:“还有,他呀,看过的报纸杂志随手乱扔,弄得屋子处处凌乱不堪,用过的杯盘碗碟随意乱放,惹得蚂蚁蟑螂到处乱窜。说他,他听不进,还发脾气。我整天跟出跟进帮他清理,烦得直想把他赶出家门!”

我静静地听,心生遗憾。朋友们不知道,她们目前所拥有的,实际上是感情上的“黄金年华”呀!

海岩曾经说过:“相爱有两个阶段最美:第一个阶段是相恋或初婚,此时人的内心都是真诚的,不带交易性的;还有一个阶段是中年以后,儿女已长大,那种相敬如宾的境界非常美好,他们维系婚姻依靠一种亲情、一种恩情,激情没有多少了,但这种爱更稳定。”海岩这话,说得真好。然而,我认为,中年过后,其实还有一个阶段是极为精彩的,那就是退休以后的婚姻生活。

别人总说,结婚以后,夫妻两人必须“一只眼开一只眼闭”,婚姻才能持久,这话有一定的道理。然而,从工作岗位退下来后,夫妻俩却一定得把过去刻意闭上的那只眼睛好好地睁开来。

圆睁双眸,绝对不是百无聊赖地挑对方的缺点,而是在“夕阳无限好”的这个阶段,尽情地去发掘生活的美,在暖暖温情与悠悠闲情里,与白头偕老的那个人好好享受无牵无挂的那份轻松惬意。

去日苦多,享乐要及时,又岂能让鸡毛蒜皮的小事、无关紧要的琐事污染了心情、糟蹋了生活?

树叶日日长青,天天都是好日子啊!

丰收

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庭院里那棵勤劳的酸柑树,在绽放出满树绚丽的小白花之后,孜孜矻矻地结出了饱满的果实。拿着大剪咔嚓咔嚓地剪着浑圆如珠的酸柑,我深切地体会到了丰收的喜悦。
在炎热的天气里,喝一杯冰冻的酸柑水,有羽化成仙的惬意。然而,
摘下的许多酸柑,一时用不完,短短两三周过后,便糜烂如泥。我于是想到了一个久存的好办法:榨汁,收在冰格,随取随用。